Saturday, May 9, 2009

Green-Eyed Momster: Introduction

First of all, let me say what an honor I think it is to be asked to be a part of a blog that I feel helped change me and my life for the better.

My mom was only 16 years old when she found out that she was pregnant with my sister and 17 years old when my sister was born. My mom was only 20 years old when I was born. My mom and dad moved from their homes in Minnesota and started a family in Southern California when they were both in their teens. I was baptized into the Presbyterian faith at a very young age. My parents were Deacons in the Presbyterian church. My mom taught Vacation Bible School and I received a certificate for regular attendance and faithful work.

I think that they embraced the Presbyterian church since they both left their families behind when they started their family. I'm sure it was hard for them but they managed somehow. My mom and dad were very involved in the church and all I can remember is that every social gathering was a party with alcohol. Drugs and alcohol became a very big part of my life at an early age.

Looking back, I compare my childhood to be close to what a religious person would call Hell. I started smoking, cussing and basically living the life of an adult at approximately 7 years old. I've battled addictions most of my life. Long story short, my dad left our family and divorced my mom when I was 14, I lost some childhood friends in a mudslide when I was 15, then my uncle committed suicide and I just partied right through all of it.

I left my mom and step dad's home when I was 18. My landlord was going through a divorce and the only property he was able to keep was the apartment that I was living in. I moved back in with my mom and step dad for a couple of years. When I was in my early 20's, I left their home again and I rented a room in a house with two Christian girls. I soon realized how different I was from them. They would go to work, come home to eat and then study the Bible or go to Bible study at the church or somewhere else. I would usually end up doing their dishes because they were so busy studying the Bible, constantly. They started inviting me to go to church with them and I bought a student Bible because reading and understanding it was very difficult for me. It was like trying to read a different language. None of it made any sense to me, whatsoever, so I stopped studying with them and stayed home and washed their dishes and I did all of the other housework and chores. I asked them why they were studying so hard and they would tell me "Jesus is coming!" If He was coming, I sure didn't want him to see all of their dirty dishes in the sink! I moved out of that house and met my husband shortly after that and I never even thought about going to church or reading the Bible again after that experience.

Fast forward to last year... I started blogging in January of 2008. I happened to come upon this blog in April of 2008. I reached out to Poodles and I was shocked at her generosity and eagerness to help me sort through my feelings regarding my faith or lack thereof. I was searching for answers about God. I wanted to know if anyone could tell me why I felt like most of my prayers weren't answered! I wanted help and I received it. I'm very thankful for Poodles, Fiery and Evolveintobirds for helping me find peace within myself instead of searching for help from God or any other outside source. My mother in law and a very good family friend had just passed away and I was hurting and I felt alone when I reached out for help. I just had so many questions and they all took a lot of time to help me sort through my questions about spirituality.

I've been smoke and drug free for almost 11 years now and instead of finding God, I found Atheists and I consider myself one today. I'm no longer disappointed in God or God's plan for my life when bad things happen. I see the experiences as life lessons. I used to pray for good things to happen and now I take action instead of waiting for things to happen. It's working out wonderfully for me now that I put all of my faith in myself.

I'm so excited to be apart of this blog. It really has changed me and my life for the better. I'll be forever grateful for this blog, the help I've received and the friendships that I've made through it!

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